The Real Transition into Parenthood

Finding Steadiness in the Rapids

Becoming a parent changes everything — your routines, your priorities, your relationships, even your sense of who you are. It can also feel like you’ve been tossed from a calm stretch of river into white-water rapids.

Those first months after birth are a blur of sleepless nights, physical recovery, and emotional growing pains. There’s joy, of course — but also uncertainty, frustration, and a quiet sense of loss for the version of yourself who existed before. When exhaustion meets hormones and the pressure to “do it all,” even tiny things can suddenly feel enormous.

The Emotional Whirlwind

New parents often bounce between tears and determination, softness and rigidity. You might find yourself snapping one minute, then crying the next, wondering who the heck you are! None of this means you’re doing it wrong — it’s just your brain trying to regain balance in your new world.

Anthropologist Dana Raphael coined the term matrescence to describe this exact transformation — the process of becoming a mother. It’s like adolescence all over again: a complete rewiring of body and identity. It can feel like an unravelling, but it’s also a re-making — a rebuilding of self, purpose, and priorities.

When “Tired” Turns into Something Deeper

Tiredness is part of parenting. But there’s a difference between being tired and feeling hollow.

Even parents of so-called “good sleepers” rarely get more than a few consecutive hours of rest at first. And while the physical exhaustion is obvious, the emotional crash often takes longer to kick in. Many of us start to feel anxious, foggy, or detached without realising that lack of sleep is amplifying everything.

No one really warns you how closely sleep and mood are connected. Research shows that people who don’t get enough rest are more likely to struggle with depression or anxiety — and new parents are right in the middle of that risk zone.

Sleep deprivation hits the part of the brain that regulates emotions and decision-making, which is why you might feel easily overwhelmed or forgetful. It’s not weakness — it’s biology. And once you fall into the cycle of poor sleep and low mood, it can feel impossible to climb out.

Hormones, Sleep, and the Postpartum Mind

After birth, hormones like estrogen and progesterone drop dramatically. That alone can make falling asleep and staying asleep harder, even when your baby finally dozes off.

Add in the constant feeding, rocking, and overthinking, it’s no wonder many parents go months without a single night of deep rest. Those 90-minute naps never reach REM sleep — the phase our brains need for memory, mood, and healing. Without it, even good days can feel crap!

It’s not just mothers who are affected. New fathers and partners lose sleep too, and studies show their mental health can take just as big a hit. When one parent is struggling, the whole family feels it.

What Helps (and What Doesn’t)

If you’re in the thick of it right now, please hear this: you’re not broken. You’re human.

Start by noticing how sleep affects your emotions. A simple notebook or notes app works — jot down how many hours you slept and how you felt the next day. You might discover that even a single longer stretch changes everything.

If you’re parenting with a partner, talk honestly about sleep. Can you take turns doing the early morning shift? Can they bring the baby to you for feeds so you don’t fully wake up? It doesn’t have to be perfectly fair — it just needs to be survivable until you reach the next phase.

And if you have help available — family, friends, a postpartum doula, even one night of paid support — take it. You’re not meant to do this alone. Sometimes just knowing you have a guaranteed block of rest coming up makes it easier to breathe.

N.E.S.T.S.: A Simple Way to Rebalance

Think of recovery in terms of small, steady actions — N.E.S.T.S.

Nutrition – Eat regularly. Healing takes energy.
Exercise – Move gently; a short walk can work wonders.
Sleep – Protect rest like it’s sacred. Nap if you can.
Time to Yourself – Even ten quiet minutes count.
Support – Let others in. Let them help.

These aren’t boxes to tick — they’re lifelines back to yourself.

This Season Won’t Last Forever

When you’re deep in the fog of newborn life, it can feel like this is it — that you’ll always be this tired, this uncertain, this stretched thin. But you won’t. Babies grow. Sleep returns. The pieces of who you are start to settle again, only now they fit in a new and deeper way.

Parenthood doesn’t calm the river — it teaches you how to find steadiness within it. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s an act of love. When your cup is full, your family feels it too.

I wrote this piece not as an expert, but as a parent who’s been there. If you’re in that space right now, please know you’re not alone, and it won’t always feel this hard